The Avoidant Male

The Avoidant Male

2nd King, Hyung Jin Moon, from “God’s Money" Sunday service, Tennessee USA, 2025.11.25

Now, it’s very important to understand: how did God make male and female different? This is what's so unbelievable. God gave man more receptors. What type of receptors? Vasopressin receptors. Men, we have more vasopressin receptors. We have more vasopressin receptors.

Now, let me ask you a question. “What did God give woman?” He gave more receptors of what? Oxytocin. Oxytocin. Women have more receptors of oxytocin. So when a woman has oxytocin bonding with her husband, she can feel deeply loved, desired, wanted, etc. All she ever wanted. She feels the deepest connection. She feels the deepest empathy, the deepest love. And all the men say, “That's not possible. Not possible. All I know is money. All I know is money. Money buys the whole.” No, no, no. That's an avoidant male. The avoidant male has been abused a lot, okay? The avoidant male has been taught, “You must always push back any emotion, any talking; kill it.” And men need this, because we go to war and we catch big animals. So, it's actually a necessary training. However, because we cut off, it's very hard to bond oxytocin. In fact, this is incredible. 

Let's talk about it like flowers. Oxytocin receptors are like flowers. If the vasopressin flowers are not opened first in the male, oxytocin flowers remain closed. Unbelievable! So, there's a problem. When the woman says, “I want to share with you; I don't feel you love me anymore,” the man doesn't know what the heck you’re talking about. You're speaking French. You're speaking Chinese. You're speaking another language. He doesn't know what you're saying. He cannot understand. That's Chinese. Literally, that's... (Speaking Chinese) He doesn't know what you're saying. He can't understand what is going on with this crazy person. Why?

Because the avoidant personality has to solve problems alone. In any relationships of love that he’s ever experienced he also cannot ask for help. Because, if he asks for help, the parents say, “Hey, you stupid idiot, you can't even do that, you dumb.” Or the mom says, “Hey! You can't even do that. How are you gonna be a man? Did you do your homework?” Then the boy learns what? He learns, “Okay, I gotta get this done alone.” He's like, “Uh, okay. Let's try to get this done alone.” So, the avoidant male personality does not have love relationships or a lot of trusting relationships. He learns, “I got to get this done on my own. I can't trust anybody to get the job done. I got to trust myself. I got to get it done myself. If I ask this person, they're going to dump on me. If I ask this person, they're going to be angry. I need to get this done alone.” 

So, one of the key characteristics of the avoidant personality is what? They don't have Oxytocin bonding with anybody. They don't have Vasopressin bonding with anybody, because they've got to get stuff done alone. They've got to be the one who solves the problem. So, what hormone is left? Dopa. Dopamine. This was amazing: all the characteristics you women love about men, like they're out there, they're getting the job done, they're bringing back the money, they provide, big mansion, big car, all this stuff you like. Guess what? An avoidant man is going to produce that for you. Why? Because he can push all his feelings aside, all his complaints aside. He can go and catch big money and bring it back to you. But what he can't do is bond with you. He doesn't know how to bond with you.

So, you have a lot of rich girls that say, “Man go get the bread, make the money!” And he gets a dopamine high when he makes that money and brings it home. He gets a dopamine high. So, he's getting rewarded for that. But then the wife is at home, and she's living in the mansion, she's got the ten beamers, she's got the frickin' Maserati, whatever it is. But she's still not happy. “I do everything for you and you're still not happy!” Why? Why is that? That's because material items can only give you temporary what? Dopa. Material items cannot make your body or spine produce the hormones God gave you like oxytocin; they cannot produce it for you. Material items and big cars and mansions and hot tubs and private planes, blah blah blah, cannot produce vasopressin for you. So, you see all those rich women that got husbands that are making so much money, they're miserable, miserable. They have every luxury, every joy, but they're miserable. Why? Their spine only has dopamine. Look how short, look how uncomplicated that hormone is. It's not great.

Safety vs. Peace

Our blessed families should not focus on this hormone. (Showing dopamine) That is not the hormone. We need to focus on these hormones: vasopressin, oxytocin. Women, with your husband, do not focus on building oxytocin with him. You will wreck your marriage. He's not a WOMAN! His spine is not a nervous spine, predominantly. His spine is avoidant, not anxious. For the anxious women, the most important thing for them in a relationship is to feel connection and safety. Women, do you like to feel safe in your relationships? Okay. Safety is very important. For men, safety is… COWARDICE! Coward. Only cowards pursue safety. Why? 

If we have a circle here, the men have to face outside and face the danger in order to keep you safe in this circle, okay? The men have to face outside and see the marauders or the beasts coming. We have to face outside. If we choose safety, we're going to be in here with you. Saying, “Oh, come on, get that beast. Go, go, go, team.” What do we call that? COWARD! So, men do not want safety in marriage. This is what the women don't understand. The women's spines do not understand this. Men do not want safety in a relationship. It's actually a very dangerous thing, and it makes our spine very dangerous and stressed. We do not want safety.

Men want what? Peace, peace, peace. Men want peace. Peace is very different. Peace is like: here's a circle with my kids, my wife, all the women and children in the village, and all the men, we're facing out. We go out, fight, fight, fight, and come back in. We go, fight, fight, fight, again and come back in. When we come home, we don't want to hear, “How come you're home so late, Dad?” “Bro, bro, I just fought TEN MEN!” You understand? We want to come home and, “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, come in, come in, baby. My husband, come in, come in. I have the hot bath going already. Come, come, come. Let me scrub you down. Jeez, you got blood all over, golly. Dang, you’re a warrior. Man, you’re a warrior. Let me scrub you down. Let me love you up a little bit.” Now that man's getting some healing. The modern man is not a warrior in that sense. He's not fighting wars. But he's doing business; he's making money, right? To his spine, not to his brain or to his heart, to his spine, he's going to war. Every day he goes to make money, that man is going to war. His brain doesn't think that. His heart doesn't feel that. It's his spine that feels that. You understand?

From Red to Blue Spine

So, when that man goes out to work, the spine is saying, “You're going to war, war, war, war.” The spine is turning red. Red, red, red, red. Now he has to go out and compete against 10 men, 50 men, whatever the case may be, and outperform. He has to make results, blah, blah, blah. The spine is going red, red, red. All day, the man’s spine is red, red, red, red, red, red. Fight or fight, fight or fight; red, red. Digest and shut up. Digest and shut up. Get a quick bite. Fight, fight, fight, fight. Now he comes home hurt, beaten, bruised, and torn.

But you've been anxious at home; you're a tribe and the wife has been anxious because she's nervous. Now, pre -industrial revolution, she could connect with grandma, auntie, niece, female cousin, sister, blah, blah, blah. She has so many other females to connect with during the day to calm the red to the blue. Does that make sense? So, she'd get nervous: “Oh, my gosh. What if my husband dies today? Oh, my gosh. Grandma, what if?” “Oh, don't. Come here, baby. Come here. You know, I used to feel that way, too when Grandpa went out.” See, already her spine is turning blue. Just because she came into contact with Grandma's spine. Y 'all understand this? The spines are talking, not the brains or the hearts. The spines are talking. Isn't that incredible?

In the tribal model, the husband is out and many times, if it's a campaign, he's out for months. But the wife has got all these other women's spines to communicate with. When she feels stress, “Oh my, I can't take it. I'm so lonely. Whom do I talk to? “Well, auntie lives right next door. Auntie also is nervous, so she wants to talk too. Do you

understand? Grandma also is nervous, so she understands. She's less nervous because she's trained now in the decades. But she now knows the young girl's coming up, “All right, baby, you come talk to Grandma.” You understand what I'm saying? That's the spine. The spine is healing the spine. You see that?

But now the modern woman has nobody; no grandma, mom, no aunties, no cousins, no nieces, no sisters living with them. They're alone in a suburban area with a big house, white picket fence, and an Audi SUV in the driveway. And they're going crazy because Mr. Audi is not going to help you when your spine is red. Are you with me, folks? ONLY Grandma can do it; ONLY Auntie can do it. See, the material item cannot turn the spine blue. Uh -oh, you see that? That's the God money. We were talking about the God money. The Bible says, “Store your treasures in heaven. The treasures which the insect cannot devour and the thief cannot steal.” A thief can steal your Audi. An insect can eat the leather in the car at some point, or the rust, whatever. But those material items cannot give the peace or the safety. You see what I'm saying?

The God Money Hormones

ONLY relationship can do that. Only relationships can do that. Only relationships can produce the God money. The God money is the money or the treasure that the insect cannot eat and the thief cannot steal. So, in the relationship, that's the only place where, if it is done well, the spine can produce the hormones God made. This is the God money. The God money hormones in Chinese are called tianqian. The heaven money hormones are the oxytocin and the vaso.

Now, this drives women crazy. “This man is INSANE! I can't understand that! He's fixing his motorcycle and he always wants me to sit and watch him! Oh my God!” You don't understand what's happening. That girl doesn’t understand anything about the male. Let's say he's fixing the air conditioning, why does he want to have you watch him do that? It's not because he's some kind of sick pervert, that is thinking like you're looking at his booty or something like that. NO! No, no. Why does your husband want you to watch him fix that air conditioning machine or that lawnmower or that bike? “Hey baby, come here, come here. I got to show you something. I’m going to go on this bike a little bit. I'm going to fire it up.” 

The girl's like, “Okay, thank you. I was in the middle of something. I’m doing my nails.” Do you understand? There's a problem. Your nails aren’t going to give you the attention. The nails won't give you the God money. Only your husband can give you. But why do the males want to do that? See, if the women, -you know this is such a big hack- when your man is fixing a bike, doing that, if you just sit there and you watch him saying, “Wow, I didn't know you could do that. That's quite amazing. Dang! My man is capable.” Right now, his spine is going, “WHAHHH!” You understand? His spine is on fire. What is his spine producing? It's producing vasopressin. Why? What is vasopressin? This is when you do something together and fulfill a goal.

It's like hunting, right? It's like hunting together. You don't have to know anything about the motorcycle or the air conditioner. But if you just sit there and you say, “Oh my gosh, I don't even have to waste $300. My man knows how to fix that complicated air conditioner.” WHAHHH! He's getting a giant vasopressin. What is that doing? What is he saying? “We got this done, baby. We got this done. We fixed this bike up well, baby.” Just tricked his spine. You don't have to know anything about the dang motorcycle or the air con. You just have to sit there and say, “Wow, that's amazing!” And then the spine believes that you did it together. The spine believes you did it together, and you accomplished the task together.

So, what happened? Then the man develops vasopressin. What is that? That's the trusting hormone. Then he says, “Man, we got that done. Good. I can trust this girl a little more.” And then if you go out of your comfort zone, why did that man want to go camping with you? Or he wants to go fishing, but he doesn’t want to fight on the boat. He wants it quiet. He doesn’t want to talk.

Poison Hormone

If your marriage is wrecked, it's not about what you want now. You now have to start sacrificing and training. It’s not about what you want. If you want to fix this, you got to start investing in the vasopressin training. That means go fishing with him. Shut! Control, control, control the mouth. Don't give him stress. You got a great resource called YouTube. If your worm falls off the hook, just look it up. How do you put it back on? Don't say, “There's no worm on the hook anymore. Oh, man, I don’t know why we have to be here. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.” NO! You're not turning on vasopressin. You're turning on CORTISOL. Stress, stress, stress. See, when you turn on the stress, you're giving him different hormones called cortisol. When the cortisol comes out, it shuts down the what? Digestion. Which shuts down the what? Immune system. Which makes him what? Sicker.

So, couples that fight a lot you will die on average ten years early. Sorry, I don't care if you tried a red ginseng diet, you gonna die early because you're fighting too much. You have bad hormones. You're poisoning your well. You understand what I am saying? I don't care what your diet is; you're producing the wrong hormone So, on average ten years will be stripped from your life. And also, you'll live that life with more chronic illness, disease, cancer, diabetes, heart attacks, inflammation. Congratulations. All because why? The hormone being produced is distress hormone. You're shutting your immune system down. That's why you're getting sicker. That's why you're looking older. It’s normal to get older, but it shouldn't be that quick, right? In the West everybody around thirty years old looks like Grandma, looks like you're eighty. What is going on? Too much bad, bad poison hormone is in your body.

So, it's the same thing. When you go fishing and you're trying to build back the marriage, women, you have to focus on vasopressin. Do not demand oxytocin. Do not demand, “I don't feel loved. I want to talk. I want to share. I want to know how you feel.” His spine is going, “Red alert, red alert, red alert; cortisol, cortisol, cortisol.” Why? Because whenever mom said that to him, he was in trouble. Whenever it's, “Honey, we need to talk.” Oh, sheesh, what did I do, daggone it?” Is that how that works? So, y 'all can't approach it from that angle. Don't do that. You're going to wreck it, OK? You're turning on his red alert system, which was put in there a long time ago. So, we can’t.

No Investment in Dopamine

When we're trying to build back marriages, focus on the husband; you gotta focus on winning victories with your husband, with the vasopressin money, heaven money, okay? Produce more vasopressin together. Did you know that for long -term relationship, the most important indicator is vasopressin? More than oxytocin, women, did you know that? More important for long -term relationship, the best predictor, hormonally, is vasopressin. Why? Because it is the trust hormone that God made. It's God made money. Y 'all like money, right? This is God money. Maybe not as much as the Chinese. But you know what I'm saying, right? This is the treasure of heaven.

So, if your marriage is wrecked, if both of you have just a tiny bit of faith as small as a mustard seed – which is tiny- but if you want to fix it, you can turn it around. You can turn it, but you have to know where to put the energy, put the investment. Don't put the investment in dopamine. Man, you got the 60 -year -old grandma saying, “Baby, I gotta get my man back. So, I got the double Ds”. Are you retarded? Do you understand how crazy that is? Why did you get your boobs done? That's a woman who doesn't understand any of this. She only understands what? What does she understand? Dopamine. She thinks at 60-year-old if she got her boobs done, her man is gonna see that and go, “Whoa! Dopamine hit. I want you.” That’s absolutely wrong.

Build Vasopressin Hormone

What you have to do, Grandma, it's not the double -D cup. What you have to do Grandma, is vasopressin training. That's what you gotta do; build trust hormone. Go with your husband hiking. But guess what? Tell him you want to go hiking. And before you go hiking, prep yourself. Talk to yourself in the mirror, “We're not going to complain, honey. Margaret, we're not going to complain.” Talk to yourself. Prep yourself. Do it three days out, “Margaret, you know what we're going to do, right? We're not going to complain.” We're going to give him what? What does a man want? Safety? No. What does a man want? Peace! When he's out camping, what does he want? Peace! So, when you go camping with him, try to give him? Peace! Now, you got money. That’s God money. 

Now you're filling the bank account with money. See, this is very important. What vasopressin does is incredible. It does take time. If you wrecked it for twenty years, it's not going to happen overnight, OK? We've got to recover this. It's going to take time. So, we do the vasopressin training when he's tinkering on the bike. Go sit and encourage and thank. When he's tinkering on the air con, “It's so refreshing. We don't understand how blessed we are to have the air con. Blah, blah, blah.” You're encouraging, thanking. Vasopressin.

“We are fixing this together. I'm feeling great. She's acknowledging me, my abilities. And I got some big cojones.” He feels vasopressin power. Then you want to go hiking. You want to go camping. You want to go fishing. And guess what? “It’s the first time I went fishing, when this woman didn't nag the hell out of me, complaining about this weight or this thing. She didn't know how to do it. She didn't complain. I couldn't believe it.” You know, it's probably even better just to go and watch your phone all day. But don't complain. Then he'll be like, “Wow, that was phenomenal. That was a phenomenal trip. ” Why? Because a man is seeking what? Peace, peace. He's at war outside, you understand? He's at war. His spine is at war outside. When he comes home, he doesn't want another war.

But if the wife doesn't control her spine, she's going to be anxious. And if she doesn't have other women's spine to connect with, it's red. So, when he comes back, it's, “How come it took you so long. I thought you were going to be back five minutes ago. You're like two minutes late. How come you didn't answer my phone, my text message? I was texting you all day, honey. How come? Do I not matter to you?” “OH! Oh, you had to go to that level, huh? Okay, okay, you had to play that game now.” You see what I'm saying? 

So why the man all of a sudden is falling in love with the overweight secretary? Arnold Schwarzenegger, he's married to Maria Shriver Kennedy. Then on the side, he's banging his Mexican maid. And she wasn't any Mexican supermodel, folks. She was an old woman. You understand? Why does that happen? They just colloquially say, “Oh, he was thinking with his small brain, not his big brain”. No, no. Because Arnold is not able to find any bonding with that woman. So, then all of a sudden, the Mexican housewife or the secretary feels like, “They're so much more supportive, more encouraging. They listen to what I have to say. They want me to succeed, blah, blah, blah”. He bonds with her. You see what I'm saying? This is how it works, folks.

Vaso Training

That's why the hormone system is so important. Understand this is God system. And if you know this before marriage, it's even better. You see what I'm saying? So, women, we want to focus on vasopressin with your husband. Build back the trust. Build back the trust, not the feelings, not the thought of trust, but what? The hormone. Everybody, say, “Hormone.” (Hormone). Build the hormone.

Remember that mice experiment? When we change the hormone, the mice behavior immediately changes. Why is the man addicted to porn nowadays, even though he's got a wife? What is he seeking? Dopa. Why? Because he's not getting Vaso or Oxy from his wife. So, then porno is an easy swipe; you got the hottest chicks right in front of your freaking face. Then it gives you what? Dopa hit. But what can it not give you? It cannot give you what? Vaso. It cannot give you: “This person truly trusts me. This woman truly loves me unlike any other woman.” The porno girls can't give you that. Porno girls can only give you dopa crash, dopa crash, dopa crash, dopa crash. And it causes more depression.

Boys and men who are addicted to porno are more depressed. It saps your motivation, saps your energy, saps everything. Why? Because the porno girls, porno hoes cannot give you the vaso. They're trying to change that, trying to play on you. The Only Fans, they're trying to do like the live stream where they're talking to you and they're trying to stimulate you in relationship, but they can't. They only can give you dopa. You have to deal with Vaso.

So, if you have a problem with the husband, we want to focus on vaso bonding, vaso. That means what? Do small things together and get the goal done. Get a camping trip done with no fighting and have peace. Get a fishing trip done with no fighting, with peace. With peace. Get a sitting situation where you're just sitting and saying, “Wow, you know how to fix that car, honey!” What happens? “Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm.” Right? Do get those small things. Then his spine is starting to say, “Wait a minute. This woman is acting weird.” At first it says, “What the hell is wrong with this woman right now? What is going on? Is she cheating on me? She's cheating on me. That's why she's trying to treat me all nice.” A lot of men do that. Did you know that? A lot of men assume that.

Because let's say twenty years she's been wrecking their marriage. Now she's trying to fix it. Because maybe she had a real conviction, maybe she heard something like this. The Holy Spirit convicted her heart. And now she's like, “Dang, I got to change it”. All of a sudden, now three months later, she's being accused, “You're cheating on me, aren’t you? How come you're treating me so nice?” A lot of women do this. Isn't that incredible? Don't do that. Don't do that, right?

Vaso training, vaso training, vaso training. What's going to happen? Your husband is not going to be like, “Oh my gosh, I'm so grateful that you're really pouring into me and you watch me when I fix the air con.” He’s not gonna say a dang word. He's just gonna be like, “Things are different. Something's weird.” So, you have to keep the training. Now, three months, six months, one year. If you wrecked it for twenty years, you've got to put out at least a year, two years, three years. Put the work in. Put the work in. But see, the good thing is you know where to put the work in.

Don't put it in here, (dopamine) don't get the double D cup. Don't put it here, (Oxytocin) trying to make him talk, “Let's have a conversation. We have to go see a therapist.” That's all going to make his spine red. “That's just talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. When are we going to produce some VASO, vaso, vaso?” Ah, see? “All you girls want to do is talk. When are we going to do something?” Right? So don't do that. Focus on the vaso money. Now you put in three months, six months, and all of a sudden, “Uh, you've been working hard on it. I appreciate you.” And he walks away. “That's it?” Don't say that. Don't say that. Just say, “Wow, you just had a massive victory”. You just went from a wrecked marriage to investing in vaso. You didn't even ask for it. You didn't demand talking. You didn't demand, “Open your dang oxytocin receptors, honey. Where's your flower? Open it.” You didn't do any of that craziness. You just poured in. You put in the work. Faith without works is dead, right? You can't just be spewing the Principle; put it to WORK, daggone it. You gotta apply the theology. Amen.

The Oxy Flower

You invested for six months. You never asked for it but all of a sudden out of the blue, he said, “I haven't told you, but I appreciate you.” That's it. That's it. Just right there. Right there. Don't ask for more. Just celebrate. Inside, say, “Yes!” Because what happened? What happened? Right there, what happened? You filled up his vaso tank, so now the Oxy flower is starting to bloom. It's starting to open. The oxy flower is starting to open. But don’t jump on it too quickly now. Be patient. When y 'all see the little buds, you don’t jump on it; you’re going to stomp that thing out. It's a small bud, you understand? you got to hold, hold, hold, hold, right? The bud comes in springtime. In the springtime comes a tiny bud. 

If you get too excited and you say, “Oh my gosh, look how beautiful you are. You're so beautiful,” oh, you're dead. Don't do that. When he says that, all you have to say inside, “Oh, the oxy flower is starting to open. I heard a preaching about this. The oxy flower is starting to open.” So just celebrate inside. Say, “Thank You, Lord. Thank You, Father. God, You just did a miracle. Our marriage was on the rocks, broken. Now the oxy flower is opening.” What does that mean? That means the vaso tank is getting full; his vasopressin receptors are getting full. 

So now the oxy flower is starting to open. Now what you wanted is starting to come, but you've got to be slow. You've got to be slow, slow, slow. “I heard the pastor tell he's gonna say ‘I appreciate you’.” You're waiting, you're waiting, you're waiting. And then the day comes, “I never told you. I appreciate you. I appreciate you. That's all I wanted to say.” And you're like, “Oh my gosh, it came, it came, it came. He said it. Tell me more. Come on! Tell me more, tell me more!” 

No, no. You got to calm, down. Your spine is now turning red with excitement. So, at that point, you gotta go, (breathing in and out) “Thank You Father! Thank You, God! Thank You Lord!”. Breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe. Doing the breathing training is important because in the fight or flight system, your spine is connected to your breathing. When you see the tiger, you breathe heavily. So, if you don't control your breathing, you can't control your spine. You see what I'm saying? That's why you want to breathe deeper. “Thank You, Lord! Woo! Thank You, Lord! Woo! Thank You, Jesus! Woo!” Breathe, breathe, breathe. Don't go into a tiger mode. Stay calm.

And then, as you keep on investing in the vaso, now the oxy bud opens, and a little later, maybe another bud is starting to open. That tree is going to start flowering pretty soon. But it's like early spring. Don't push those buds too hard. Don't put a cold blast on them. The buds will all shrivel and die. Y 'all know the spring buds, right? Okay. Don't hit them with the winter blast. Don’t come out with the frost gun and go“Hey, little buds, let me flame through you”. Not a good idea. Okay. You want to slow that down. Slow it down.

You're going to see that especially after twenty years of fighting, your husband’s spine has now identified you as the threat. And you have with him, too. Your spine has identified him with the threat. So, this is what's incredible. Your body produces a hormone. It's a smell, it's called a pheromone. Cortisol produces a smell. You know how you say that animals can smell your fear? They literally can, because when you're scared, cortisol gets produced and the smell comes out. That's why an animal can actually sense your fear.

Now, you can't smell that smell. You can't tell if it’s strawberry or orange; it’s not like that. But your spine can smell it. So, if a husband and wife have a bad relationship for twenty years, you can even smell your husband and be like, “Ugh!” And as soon as you smell, immediately your spine turns. Why? Because that smell has become associated with the stress hormone, which is killing your immune system and making you die. You see what I'm saying? And he's the same with you. You don't smell so nice either, honey. You girls think you smell like caramel and soft cream and butterflies all day. Uh -uh! No. You don't smell so nice either? His spines see you as a threat too, so, you smell nasty to him. You see what I'm saying? Isn't that great? But you actually produce the pheromone. If you're producing a high oxy, high vaso, smelling your wife or smelling your husband makes you happy, younger, youthful. It's incredible, right? God's system is incredible. So, the hormones are that powerful.

Thanks to the European Sanctuary Team for transcribing this video into text

* The avoidant male Video clip here

* The complete Sunday Service video here